From 21-24 I fully enjoyed being a single woman and casually dating for fun. I fully lived life, I travelled, I shopped, I fine dined, and last but not least I partiedJ. During this time I figured out a lot about myself and learned to adjust from a small college town to the city. Mid 24’s I started to notice most of my friends had boyfriends and I was getting invited to more and more baby showers and engagement parties. At 25 almost all of my friends from high school had live in boyfriends and were working on their second child. And that’s when it hit me… I had not been in a serious relationship since college! The way 25 snuck up on me I was sure 30 would hit me like a mac truck! This is when I began to panic, will I ever get married? Will I ever have children? Why am I the single one out of my group of friends? Why am I not meeting quality men? Do I intimidate men my age? Are my standards to high? The list of questions could go on and on and it really started to bother me. What I learned and am still learning from this experience to 1. Never compare myself to the people around me. I never compared myself to my friends in a jealous or malicious way but more or so in an age/experience way. I would think were both 25, we both have jobs, we both have degrees, their serious with their men so why am I not serious with a man. I’ve sensed learned that what is meant for me will be. It doesn’t matter if ever other 25 year old in America was married with a child if it’s not my time it’s not my time. Comparing myself to others only stressed me out even more and made me not want to be around my friends who were in relationships. 2. Never question myself because my relationship status. I have never been a woman with low self esteem. If you know me you know I am my own biggest fan. As I continued to encounter the wrong men I began to wonder if it was something wrong to me. Sad to say it started to hit my self esteem. Was I too fat, was I a bitch, am I not a quality woman? This made me somewhat insecure so before I went out I had to make sure every about me was perfect. Wanting everything to be perfect is fine but not when you’re doing it for male attention. I finally got to a place where I felt comfortable with myself and didn’t feel the need to impress a man. My husband will come to me rather I’m in a paper bag or in a million dollar dress. 3. Learning the difference between lowering my standards and getting over my shallow ways. I had no problems with finding men, going on a few dates and then being over them. A guy could do one thing I didn’t like and I would never return his call again. My list of standards for my future husband was about 10 pages long. One day I thought to myself are nice biceps a standard or more of a shallow request. I then did some deeper soul searching and asked is my list really a standard list or a list of perfections that no man will ever meet. I really struggled with this because as I stated earlier I stopped questioning myself and started to be proud of all that I bring to the table. I thought that my husband should bring just the same if not more. I had to check myself like “you’re not perfect either”. I went through my list and scratched off all of my shallow request and this made my list much more feasible. No man will be perfect but if he meets my “standards” I should value and accept him for just that.
So what did I learn about relationships at 25….. First never to compare myself to others, my dream man will come and be all that I’ve ever wanted. Comparing my situation to others is telling God I do not have confidence in the plan he has for my life. Second never to question myself because of my relationship status, being in a relationship does not define who I am as a person. Nothing is more attractive than a confident woman and nothing is more unattractive than a desperate woman. Lastly there is a big difference between having standards and being shallow. Having unrealistic expectations was only setting myself up for disappointment.
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